The short version
Life happens. I've always been bad about being active because of my issues and my lack of motivation, but goodness, this time life just threw me the ultimate curveball. I've discovered a lot about myself in this absence, mostly positive things. I've come back with a renewed mindset and the drive to make this community the best it can be. The main things that kept me away: my dad's battle with cancer, my mom now also is fighting a serious illness, my ex, my job, my inability to put myself before others. but hey, I'm working on it and I'm glad to be back. Before I get to the long version, I have a few things to mention.
- a-nothing-girl -- that collab will happen. I'm going to note you as soon as I get a chance
- DanielaIvanova -- that piece is coming. My deepest apologies, but one thing I can always give myself is I do eventually finish what I start.
- WillTC -- that goes for you too, dear. It will happen.
- to those of you who have outstanding unanswered notes from me, I am working toward replies.
- to LadyLincoln, GrimmAssassin, Noitalapsi, thank you for being a constant support even when I'm absent.
- Faewning for Favourites will be updated and posted every Friday. Keep me honest, guys.
- And finally, I can't wait to catch up on everything and dive back in. I've missed you all.
The Long version
Where to start?
My dad's battle with cancer is at a stalemate. His brain took the treatment well, but the lung and bone treatment has caused his liver and kidney to become damaged. If chemo continues, he could lose function in both. So currently, he is off chemo and waiting for the doctors to clear him for more treatment. It's been this way for months. Months and we've been doing nothing but waiting. I think I hate waiting more than anything. He doesn't even look like the same man to me anymore, just a silhouette of who I remember. But I'm determined to rekindle our relationship and keep it going strong for as long as we have left.
My mother has a tumor. Thankfully, its malignant, but she does have to have surgery to remove it. That, coupled with the stress she is under taking care of my father, has put her in poor physical and mental health. I've taken some time off work to spend with both of them and help do what I can.
My job is leaving a stale taste in my mouth again. I knew I never wanted it to be long-term, but I'm starting to get so bored with the monotony of the work. I'm grateful I have a job, and I love my co-workers, and it's a good, understanding environment for me with all my issues. Everyone their respects me and knows not to touch me without warning, and for the most part, I don't panic when someone does bump into me which is a plus. But I knew I had to take control of my life again, so I've picked up some online classes to flesh out my resume and my interests. So far so good.
Oh boy, I don't even want to talk about this one, but writing journals like this and being honest with all of you feels so therapeutic to me, and most of you already know a good chunk of this story. Let's be honest, everything I write is about this, so strap in for more to the story about the boy who haunts me that I can't seem to shake. My ex has reappeared in my life without warning. Don't get me wrong, he never really left, but it has been a clean eight months since we've spoken or I've heard mention of his name. It's crazy because I am healed. I'm as happy as I can be. I'm being productive with my goals and my life. I don't resent him anymore or fear him or hate him. But seeing him after so long makes me wonder if I'm just that good at lying to myself. He's happier, which makes me happier, but I want to reach a point where we can be friends again, as close as we once were. I fear that won't happen, and my friends don't really want it to happen. I'm not sure how he feels, but I want to reach out to him. I just don't know if I should.
But this isn't a negative journal entry, I swear. This is me trying to rebuild and reconstruct myself into a better version of me. This is me keeping you all up to date, and I'm always open to your opinions. Mostly, life has been positive, just trying at times. And there might actually be a new boy to write about lurking on the horizon. We'll see.
how is everyone? what've I missed? drop me a note if you like or want to catch up or just comment below. I'll being seeing you all around soon!
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